Leukemia sucks.

Leukemia sucks.⁣

It isn’t just the cancer. ⁣

It’s the chemo that eats and burns its way through their tiny bodies, killing not only the leukemia but also formerly healthy organs. This can cause lifelong complications. They don’t get just one type of chemo. They get around 10 different kinds over the course of 3.5 years. They lose their hair, they lose weight, they lose bone density, they lose fine motor skills, they develop neuropathy, pancreatitis, internal bleeding, blood clots, and agonizing pain. They experience nausea. Often. ⁣

It’s the meds to combat the horrific side effects of chemo. Weekly antibiotics for the entire duration of treatment. Meds to fight nausea, anxiety, pain, & constipation. Antacids, antihistamines, pH balancers. These have their own side effects, but the benefits outweigh the risks every time. ⁣

It’s the trauma of knowing every time they go into an exam room that they’re about to get held down, have a fat needle shoved through their chest, blood drawn, and flushed. Hell, even pulling into the parking lot of a hospital-esque building will trigger that fear. ⁣

As a parent, it’s the soul crushing helpless feeling as your child screams out in pain. It’s cradling them as they whimper for hours. It’s breaking down and sobbing at the thought of holding them down and forcing yet another cocktail of pink potions down their throats, telling them it’ll make them feel better. That it’s for their own good. The torture of knowing that doing some of these things is directly contributing to their anxiety and PTSD. But you have to do it. Their life depends on it. ⁣

It’s standing in the most painful contortionist positions for long periods of time, just so you can hold their hand while they’re getting a CT scan to make sure there’s no clots. ⁣

It’s wanting to always be honest with them, but wondering what to say when they ask for “no owies”. ⁣

It’s the loneliness. Our world screeches to a halt, honed in on this one thing: keep your child alive at all costs. Everywhere you look the world seems to keep spinning with no regards to what your family is going through. How dare it.⁣

Only three years to go. ⁣

#wesleymorrishoward #fuckcancer