A fair trade

I’ve tried to find an opening, some way to approach this topic, a dozen times already but the words just aren’t arriving tonight, so I’ll cut the preamble short and just say what’s been on my mind all day.

I’d willingly – happily – do anything, suffer any pain, offer him every organ, my last pint of blood, I’d give my own life today if it would heal my son. We’ve all heard parents in crisis say this, but I’d never understood it until we had Wes, and even then not really until we faced his mortality. It’s not a brave thing to say, I don’t say it to feel better or to strut heroically – I can’t stomach his pain, the helplessness, watching the most beautiful creature that I’ve ever seen be subjected to so many traumas and indignities. He deserves so much better.

I’m sorry for writing this, but it’s true. I’m not suicidal – I love living, and can handle my own pain, I would give up everything tonight to take away his.

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3 Responses

  1. Jesse says:

    Please do not be sorry for sharing. I am glad I could read this, only so that I might be able to know even a small part of how hard that feels. You’re an incredible person and unbelievably amazing parent. Pain can be a shared experience most certainly. And being so, I humbly wish that I can take on some of your pain as my own to bear. You’re never alone, and those that have been touched by your journey are grateful for your strength and courage. You’re strong as f@<k. And your vulnerability is a super power that opens hearts.

  2. Jesse says:

    Don’t be sorry for writing it. I’m glad I can read it, to know how you feel in some small way. Thank you for sharing. You’re a beautiful man and an unbelievable parent. Pain can most certainly be a shared experience. I humbly aspire that in some tiny way I can take on some of your unbearable pain. You are never alone, and your journey is an inspiration to whom it has touched. You’re strong as f*%@k. And your vulnerability is a super power that opens hearts.

  3. Troy says:

    😅😂😂🤣😭